Can I Help You?

I have maintained a meditation practice for the past thirteen years. I believe I gain from the practice, however difficult it may be to describe my gain. Naturally the urge to share this positive experience arises. I hesitate to do so.

Proselytizing sucks.

You meet people and you think, They need a calm meadow. It is not like I am that calm myself, yet that does not discredit the value of meditation. Mediation provides a sense for me of that calm meadow, at least. Calm or not, I am where I am. Mindfulness shows you that.

Mindfulness has gained attention lately. Some of this is faddish, but that doesn't take away from the real value of mindfulness. Scientific studies have confirmed that developing mindfulness, thru meditation, can improve one's focus and help one become calmer. Tho I appreciate any gains in those ways, they are not my main reason for meditating. Maud Newton, on her blog, voices my own feelings:

“For me, in the moment, meditation is usually the opposite of bliss. The kind I do doesn’t focus on clearing the mind but on letting the thoughts and feelings be there without following them, letting them exist while returning over and over again to my breath. Sitting with myself like this can be and often is excruciatingly uncomfortable, but cumulatively it makes me feel better: less anxious, less depressed, less manic, less detached, and less angry, though at any given time I might be experiencing all of these things.” (http://maudnewton.com/blog/on-the-discomfort-of-talking-about-meditation/)

Meditation doesn't make things rosy, it just fosters a calmer perspective.

A co-worker of mine has been negotiating the difficulties of getting back to dating, a couple of years after divorcing. She's personable and outgoing but dating is different when you're forty. Children and exes and other things complicate matters, for her and the men she has met. She sleeps poorly because her mind races. She just want to be happy.

I don't believe I should give anyone relationship advice, I'm as confused as anyone, but I present her a sounding board. I tell her not to overthink, and I mention meditation as something that can help. I don't press. I think her friends may agitate her by giving her advice, like “You don't want to text him now.” They are well-meaning, no doubt, but the effect resembles offering her an endless decision tree. No wonder her mind races: so many options. From my view, she needs to quiet the noise. I can help by not adding my noise.

I came to meditation thru an interest in Buddhism. One need not claim Buddhism, or any religious or spiritual path, to meditate, but meditation indeed lends itself to many spiritual paths. If I can listen to my co-worker without adding to her agitation, maybe I help her little. Interjecting my feelings adds pressure and confusion to her fuddle. She just wants to be happy. We all do.

I think we all understand that our feelings are transitory. They are unstable. Anger, happiness, sadness will all change over time. By meditating, we learn to ride the waves, keep an even keel. That's how I feel it.

My advice, then, is not to advise.